what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
