farters have to be the big spoon...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
