Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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