i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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