my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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