Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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