I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
