They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
