Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
