WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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