my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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