Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
