I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
