I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
