i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
