This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
