AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
