Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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