well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
