oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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