I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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