Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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