I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
