um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
