my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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