Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
