i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
