I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
