i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
