I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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