Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
