That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
