you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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