So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
