Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
