Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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