so explain again why im purple
no
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
