if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
did you just send me my own nude
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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