I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
