i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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