is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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