I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
