dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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