At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
