my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
