i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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