Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
