why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
