CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
