just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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