had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
