didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
