They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
